At this point of my life I never felt as stuck as I do in todays setting. I had previous years to set myself up for this type of defeat or was it just a coincidence? You will get to that point of life where you think, "Man, I should've started earlier like when I was a kid or something because what do I have to show for my age?"I think I am just winging it at this point. I really don't have a clue what direction to go in that would ultimately make me feel happy but, I do know how things are going now I couldn't be far more in the ditch that I got myself into. They call this era rock bottom. What makes it so devastating is it's also a collaboration of a single-out feeling. The feeling that you are the darkest sheep its hard getting up out of that and finding enough strength to just keep shining. Some days you just feel like a rut and want to shut down and not talk much then there are days your a open book encouraging yourself. One point I had a plan but, I can not continue it right now I have to refocus my direction to something I am not accustom to I have to change the person that I am to something more functional to the culture now. The bottom point of this is I am old, I feel old, and most people would not consider my age as old. I need to figure out something fast because whatever was done years before cannot happen no longer. It use to did not bother me but, when I started telling myself I am this old that when my eyes started really opening up. Life, surely does not turn like how you wanted it to turn out I mean eventually it get to the semi end part you fantasized about but, I just does not happen chronologically like you preferred the perfect world should have been.
In Retrospect, have not been a success for myself because I gave so much of me to others when I should have just put the better for myself. That something I am trying to break within' me, I seem to care for others more than myself and too me as of now I feel that is a glitch within' my personality; it isn't something to be proud of when it comes into terms with me.
That is what made me think maybe psychology could be my niche. The way I am so involved in helping other lives maybe that is something I could be good at because I am already the listener. I'
m usually the person you can go to and I will listen and a lot of people find comfort in me, they feel like they can tell me all. So far children and grown woman like the elderly or the ones with wise wisdom really geared towards my essence. Maybe I can heal others and some how it translate into the healing of me of whatever needs to be fixed inside of me. At the same time it is not about being in the other business but, helping the other think in a different light. I am good with empathizing almost too good (my glitch could possibly be positive for this type of career).
{Rant}
People need to be more accepting they have their mind fixated on one outcome and how they want things to be done and said sometimes it should be a collaborative effort amongst the two parties. Get out of yourself and think for the other person. I think people get into the heat of the moment and somehow their wires get crossed and their not focusing on the clear point of the problem. People have a hard time deciphering what is really making them angry and what is making the other person angry because you were solely thinking on your part only. There are stages and you just missed them. Plus during the same time of not agreeing with the person one person could be just stuck on the action itself and the other could be stuck on something much deeper a bunch of scenarios that took place that added to that final one that ticked them off but, they cannot figure out the real reason. Then sometime people could decipher the real reason but, you wont come into terms with it but, that entirely something else. Another thing that get to me is people think not talking about it will make it go away but, I think it just gets buried and eventually will arise out of the dirt and the problem will just end up being more aggressive or the problem will result somewhere in your life in a form that your not going to know about a manifestation from that past issue.
Anyhoot, I also half stray on this psychology thing having my own office and just taking notes because to me I see it also being persuasive, controlling, domineering, or good with word structure a skill I am not intermediate on because I just don't do that. I try to just be myself and just hope that your fond of me for just being original. I see no need to play games or think about how can I take from you.We will see how my life ends up like I just have to stop doubting myself and love myself more to feel that I am invincible to any epitome I want to experiment and try out to figure out my purpose.
{Aaliyah; One in a Million}
"Your love is a one in a million, you give me a really good feeling." Love you
Lovin' Me,
Salpjcyndi Belamarobi
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